JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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