i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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