we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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