remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Who did Billy Mays play for?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
