Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
