Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
