Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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