Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
