Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
