grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
