i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
