Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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