went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
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Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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