He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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