we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
