Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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