so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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