The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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