Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
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Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
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