My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
