The maid of honor just puked.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
