Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
