i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
