I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
