Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
