she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
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That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
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it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
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