I bet he comes in French.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
