I'm so fucking centered right now
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
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Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
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