Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
