Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
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