i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Less talking, more tequila
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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