You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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