I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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