Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
