and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I think my moral compass just broke
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
