About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
