Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
