Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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