Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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