Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
