I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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