does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
