so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
