my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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