you should give me head with plastic fangs in
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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