a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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