Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
