I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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