Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
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