I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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