is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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