maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
