just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
