Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
