I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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