so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
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these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize