they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
