Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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