I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
