explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
