well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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