Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
where am i from again
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
