You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
