Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
