I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
