Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
