omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think people are normalizing furries
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
