If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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