There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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