Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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