my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
