Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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