So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize