farters have to be the big spoon...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
