Don't make out with my wife yet
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
